I had totally forgotten about this blog space, so apologies to anyone who looked forward to more content that never came!
Much has happened in the time I posted last. I upgraded my phone to an HTC Evo V 4G from Virgin Mobile, upgraded my tablet to a Nexus 7 16Gb, and am busy skipping meals to keep up my electronics fix. Since I have multiple disabilities I rely mostly on penny pinching and Christmas to feed my habit. I recently acquired a roommate so I am more able to sustain my gadget fixation, though it is starting to wane as I grow older. I have simply been unable to justify my expensive habit to myself because I am of course receiving disability funds to live on, however I do truly endure hardship to save the extra money to buy the gadgets I have. At the end of the day though this is not what these funds were meant for, and quite honestly I need to save up to replace a device rather than splurge on something that is hit or miss.
I suppose my blog post can be about my income, SSI and SSDI. When I first became disabled I could work 3/4 time before I hit my earnings limit as specified by the SSI program. I worked tirelessly and did a good job, but in retrospect I should not have worked so soon after becoming disabled. I was in no condition whatsoever to receive the treatment I did as a disabled person in the workforce. The place as a whole treated me well but 2 individuals made me want to crawl into a corner and die. September 11th 2001 saw me turn from a nice Christian to a militant Christian, and losing my job from then on didn't require clairvoyance. It was also close to the time when I had earned enough Social Security credits to gain the distinction of being unemployable. You see, if you work hard enough, they reward you, by being able to earn much less before benefits are cut off.
Finally, a flare up in my condition gave them enough room to give me the heave ho.
So there I was, no job, no ability to get a job with the safety net I needed, and a disability that is the modern equivalent of leprosy. On reflection, while many hurdles can be overcome, this inability to earn over $500 dollars a month without losing assistance has been the largest impediment to gaining employment. Gross, not net. If I could get a job washing dishes, I would lose it the moment the boss asked me to put more hours in than my earnings threshold allows. Bosses and managers have no patience for a worker that won't ante up for the team. Of course, I could explain why I can't work those hours, which got me fired from my last good job.
Now, I find myself looking for a job again. I'm in my 30s which means I have the experience to know to shut up, but who will hire a guy at 15 hours a week for a low wage job when every applicant is expected to want as many hours as possible at minimum wage? Just to buy the bare necessities for a wife and kids no less. It doesn't take a manager long to figure out you are on the dole, and they usually fire you shortly thereafter.
Which brings me to the moral conundrum many disabled people deal with. You want to work, even if you shouldn't. Society, self, and others make this so. When you get a disability check everyone thinks you are a leech, and so you feel like one. But then the government puts up impossible blockades to keep a job. And then there is medication: just 1 of mine costs close to 2000 dollars a month. And every social worker I have had has told me in no uncertain terms that while the government says you can reapply for benefits, it is a total crapshoot as to whether or not you can actually start receiving disability benefits again, and if so, months of waiting before it arrives. That means living on the streets once the job goes south. You lose everything.
I feel trapped by my inadequacies as well as by a bureaucracy that makes it impossible for me to get a leg up. However, I am no longer content at sitting at home waiting for the sky to fall. I am going to find a job anyway, I just hope my family will take me in once everything falls apart.
No stress, eh? I always thought a disability check was easy street. Not so much now.
